Monday, November 24, 2008

funny quotes

To often, we lose sight of lifes simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother.... upside the head. Pass it on...

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America?s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn?t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon

Gravity is not to blame for two people falling in love

Love is blind -- marriage is the eye-opener

Here's to you and here's to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, to HELL with you, here's to ME!

Don't question GOD, as he may say, if you are so eager for answers, then please come up.

The chances of bread falling buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet

Love is a passion, which never lasts longer

I remember a time when everybody I loved hated me because I hated them. - Letter to Stuart Sutcliffe circa 1960

Silence is golden but duck tape is silver

First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity

Getting Kicked in the nuts hurts alot more than delivering a baby

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Ability Quotes

Proverb - “Behind an able man there are always other able men.”

Sir Christopher Wren - “Ability is a poor man's wealth.”

Basil S. Walsh - “One big reason why men do not develop greater abilities, greater sales strength, greater resourcefulness is because they use neither their abilities nor their opportunities. We don't need more strength or more ability or greater opportunity. What we need is to use what we have. Men fail and their families suffer deprivations when all the time these men have in their possession the same assets other men are utilizing to accumulate a fortune.... Life doesn't cheat. It doesn't pay in counterfeit coin. It doesn't lock up shop and go home when pay-day comes. It pays every man exactly what he has earned. The age-old law that a man gets what he earns hasn't been suspended. When we take that truth home and believe it, we've turned a big corner on the high road that runs straight through to success.”

Henry David Thoreau - “I know of no more encouraging fact than the ability of a man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.”

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin - “It is our duty — as men and women — to behave as though limits to our ability do not exist. We are collaborators in creation of the Universe.”

George Bernard Shaw - “Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.”

Theodore Roosevelt - “Do what you can — with what you have — where you are.”

J. G. Pollard - “Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.”

Gaius Plinius Secondus Pliny, the Elder - “No man's abilities are so remarkably shining as not to stand in need of a proper opportunity, a patron, and even the praises of a friend to recommend them to the notice of the world.”

Dr. Laurence J. Peter & Raymond Hull - “Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.”

Christabel Pankhurst - “Ability is sexless.”

Nicholas of Cusa - “Ability doth hit the mark where presumption over-shooteth and diffidence falleth short.”

Flower A. Newhouse - “Lack of will power has caused more failure than lack of intelligence or ability.”

Napoléon Bonaparte - “Ability is of little account without opportunity.”

Ian McLaren - “Ability involves responsibility; power, to its last particle, is duty.”

Orison Swett Marden - “What a great discrepancy there is between men and the results they achieve! It is due to the difference in their power of calling together all the rays of their ability and concentrating them upon one point.”

Orison Swett Marden - “The Creator has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.”

Charles Luckman - “Success is that old ABC — Ability, Breaks, and Courage.”

François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld - “To know how to hide one's ability is great skill.”

François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld - “The height of ability consists in a thorough knowledge of the real value of things, and of the genius of the age in which we live.”

Lyndon Baines Johnson - “Any jackass can kick down a barn but it takes a good carpenter to build one.”

Elbert Hubbard - “It is a fine thing to have ability, but the ability to discover ability in others is the true test.”

Elbert Hubbard - “There is something that is much more scarce, something finer far, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability.”

Robert Half - “There is something that is much more scarce, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability.”

Gail Hamilton - “Every person is responsible for all the good within the scope of his abilities, and for no more, and none can tell whose sphere is the largest.”

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Miscellaneous quotes

The most important service rendered by the press and the magazines is that of educating people to approach printed matter with distrust.-Samuel Butler (1612-1680)

You must believe in free will; there is no choice.-Isaac Bashevis Singer (1904-1991)

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
-Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work.-Thomas Edison (1847-1931)

Useless laws weaken necessary laws.-Charles de Secondat, Baron de Montesquieu (1689-1775)

The nice thing about standards is, there are so many to choose from.
Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.-C. Northcote Parkinson

Half the work that is done in this world is to make things appear what they are not. Elias Root Beadle

The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn. -Alvin Toffler

Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining? -George Wallace

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.-Oscar Wilde

Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.-H. Jackson Brown

It's kind of fun to do the impossible.-Walt Disney

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life quotes

Act in the valley so that you need not fear those who stand on the hill. -Danish proverb

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. -Groucho Marx (1890-1977)

Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open. -Sir James Dewar, Scientist (1877-1925)

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first. -Mark Twain [Samuel Langhornne Clemens] (1835-1910)

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. -Mark Twain [Samuel Langhornne Clemens] (1835-1910)

Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.-Samuel Butler (1612-1680)

If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing. -W. Edwards Deming

It is not enough to do your best; you must know what to do, and THEN do your best-W. Edwards Deming

All my life I've wanted to be someone;I guess I should have been more specific.-Jane Wagner/Lily Tomlin (1939- )

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. -Mark Twain [Samuel Langhornne Clemens] (1835-1910)

We think in generalities, but we live in details.-Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947)

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. -Mark Twain [Samuel Langhornne Clemens] (1835-1910)

In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love. -Diego Marchi

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inspirational quotes

Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right. -Henry Ford

You see things; and you say 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?' -George Bernard Shaw

Within each of us lies the power of our consent to health and sickness, to riches and poverty, to freedom and to slavery. It is we who control these, and not another.
-Richard Bach (Illusions)

Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up. -Jesse Jackson

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song. -Maya Angelou

There is no use trying, said Alice; one can't believe impossible things. I dare say you haven't had much practice, said the Queen. When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. -Lewis Carroll

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. -George Bernard Shaw

The journey is the reward. -Chinese Proverb

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. -Elizabeth Kubler Ross

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. -Eleanor Roosevelt

Most things which are urgent are not important, and most things which are important are not urgent. -President Dwight Eisenhower

Only those who can see the invisible, can accomplish the impossible.
Patrick Snow, Author of 'Creating Your Own Destiny'

Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky. -Rabindranath Tagore (Indian Poet, Philosopher)

Thought is action in rehearsal. -Sigmund Freud

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief. -Gerry Spence

The only way around is through. -Robert Frost

When our memories outweigh our dreams, we have grown old. -Bill Clinton

It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." -Abraham Lincoln

Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others; it is the only means. -Albert Einstein

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